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Five Professional Skateboarders You Don't Want to Meet in a Dark Alley

When I originally had the idea to create a list of the five professional skateboarders you don’t want to meet in a dark alley, I thought it would be easy.

I mean, skateboarders have a bad reputation, at least as far as those outside the industry perceive them. First of all, we look like a sketchy bunch. Even though baggy pants and puffy shoes are out and five panels and chinos are in, there is still a high percentage of skaters that look like something the cat dragged in.

And then there are the outbursts. If you’ve ever seen a skateboarder spend all day trying to land a difficult trick, then you know full well that we can get weird. Snapping boards, throwing shit, kicking handrails, and screaming are only the tip of the iceberg.

But scary? Yeah, there are definitely a lot of weird skateboarders out there, but not very many scary ones. With that said, however, the professional skateboarders below are five that I wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley, unless, of course, I knew who they were (then I’d be stoked to chill with for a minute!).

These dudes aren’t necessarily mean but they all have something going for them that would put you off a bit if you came across them on a stroll along an abandoned street.

1. Antwuan Dixon

It’s not every day that you see a dude with full face tattoos. And it’s definitely not every day that you see a dude with full face tattoos that absolutely rips on a skateboard. Enter Antwuan Dixon. Though you won’t see him in a dark alley anytime soon because of his most recent arrest, you can be sure that you’d be scared shitless if you ever did. Funnily enough, he is actually super chill as is evidenced by his friendly, laidback attitude in his Epicly Later’d clip.

2. Mike Vallely

Mike Vallely is another professional skateboarder that definitely has the intimidation factor working in his favor. Gnarly in just about every way, Vallely is as tough as they come. Well-known for his old school skate style, Vallely’s rough and tumble appearance and sometimes gruff attitude would more than likely cause you quite a fright if he popped out from behind the garbage bins in a dark alleyway.

3. Jason Dill

Another nice dude with a “don’t f*ck with me” face, you wouldn’t want to meet Jason Dill in a dark alley. Not that he’d do anything to mess with you necessarily, but the straight “mean mugging” expression that near constantly adorns his face would be enough to cause me to pee my pants.

4. Mark Gonzales

Definitely not tough, mean, or scary in appearance, Mark Gonzales would be an uneasy sight in a dark alley because he looks and is so eccentric. One of the greatest skateboarders of all time, he is not the type of guy you’d think would give you a stiff punch in the gut to steal your wallet. He does, however, look a little like the crazy kind of bum that might rope you into talking about conspiracies and drinking malt liquor until sunrise. Hey, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all…

5. Lizard King

Coming across Lizard King in a dark alley would be a hell of an experience. Though he’s not the most intimidating guy on the planet, see him and you’d expect some seriously satanic shit to go down. At the very least, you’d expect him to start tweaking to you about the advantages of Satanism over any other way of life.