Harper and Bieber Denounce the Two Acre Shaker as "the Shittiest Party this Summer."

Harper and Bieber Denounce the Two Acre Shaker as

Justin Bieber and Stephen Harper have officially denounced the Two Acre Shaker as “the absolute fucking worst way to spend Saturday, August 16th.”

However the two, pictured below, are reportedly quite jazzed about both the Pemberton and Squamish festivals.


Photo: Stephen Harper via Flickr

“Eminem, I mean gosh,” said Harper. “I’ve always wanted to bro down with that guy.”

Bieber tweeted a few weeks ago that he couldn’t wait to fulfill his boyhood dream of seeing the Matthew Good Band (which, incidentally, shall be referred to henceforth as “BC’s Nickelback”.)

The Harp-dog and Biebs have been hanging out quite a lot lately, cruising the streets of Ottawa in the PM’s Miata and planning their summer festival circuit.

“If there’s not at least 20, 000 people there, we’re not interested,” stated Harper.

He went on afterwards to assure both Pemberton and Squamish festival-goers that he’d show up and annihilate at least  25 of the communal Port-a-potties with his patented disco-spin dump.

“The thing with smaller parties is that everyone knows it was you,” explained Harper.

“And besides,” he went on. “Blackalicious is headlining the Two Acre Shaker. That guy’s a total hack.”

Bieber agreed, and explained that the community vibe of the smaller festivals just wasn’t his thing.

“I wanna walk into parties and lose my friends immediately. The harder it is to find my tent at the end of the night, the better.”

Both gentlemen have seen The Smalltown DJs, Stylust Beats, Neon Steve, Humans, Blondtron, Bestie, Neighbour and SkiiTour numerous times, stating simultaneously that “all those guys are pretty average.”

The two of them were ecstatic that this was the last Shaker to ever go down in Sea-to-sky history.

“Parties like this just shouldn’t happen anymore. Everyone just has too much fun,” said Harper, noticeably agitated.

Sweat stains appeared on his Soundgarden T-shirt while he shook his fist at the heavens, cursing the organizers of the best damn party this summer’s gonna see.

“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!” he wailed.

“WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!!?!?!?!!”
 
For more info on the shittiest party this summer, click here:

And to get a taste of the booty-shaking beats that Shaker favourite DJ Surgeon will be throwing down, check his promo mix here:
 

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