Approximately seven days after I wrote this post about why I was happy to remain single for the rest of my life, I met my current boyfriend. Our first date consisted of a snow date—yes, the very type of date I declared terrible in this post.
Clearly, I am a dating expert.
The natural progression here is for me to start a dating advice column. Dating in a ski resort town is not easy, people. Let me solve your life problems.
Q: I want to meet a pro snowboarder. Where do I find him?
A: Ah, the classic pro ho. Sorry to say it, but if your soon-to-be-lover is a true pro, right now he is somewhere in the southern hemisphere shredding the upside down snow.
No, not THAT kind of snow bunny!
But don’t fret—your impeding love-at-first-sight is just around the corner. The dead season before the winter is prime pro snowboarder meeting time. Shred movie premieres are basically a pro snowboarder convention. Good luck.
Q: If the snow date is so terrible, what’s a good date to go on? PS – I’m poor.
A: About the snow date thing—maybe it isn’t so bad. Or maybe it is. Either way, it’s not a real option in the summer months. That’s why there is the frolf date.
Hear me out: frolf is outdoorsy. Frolf is inexpensive (cost: one disc, which will last you a lifetime or until you lose it in the woods). Frolf is enjoyable at all skill levels. Frolf takes at least an hour and presents plenty of opportunities to stop and enjoy the view.
Just don’t be that guy who takes Frolf super seriously—you know the one, multiple discs, does the course on his own to try to beat his best time. Note to Mr.-Takes-Frolf-Too-Seriously: FROLF IS NOT A REAL SPORT.
This guy is going to be on the 2016 Frolf Olympic Team
Q: All the girls here are crazy. Every time I meet one that seems nice, she turns out crazy.
A: That’s not a real question, but here’s an answer anyway: stop trying to meet your future wife at a club.
Q: I found everlasting love in Whistler, but my soulmate’s visa application has been denied and he is leaving forever for Australia. How do I live?
A: Prevention is key to falling into this scenario.
There are two questions you should have when meeting a potential mate. The first: do they share my citizenship? If the answer is yes, then you are good to go.
If the answer is no, proceed to the next question: What can their citizenship do for me? For instance, American citizenship would certainly facilitate my quest to live a life split equally between Whistler and Cape Cod, so American transplants were fine in my books.
If it’s already too late, your options are: move to Australia (expect more expensive chocolate bars), or encourage your significant other to live here as an illegal refugee.
Q: I’m really keen on this girl, but she used to date my mate. And before she dated him, she dated one of my other roommates. Red light? Green light?
A: Well, it’s Whistler, and supplies are limited. Just remember: she’s not your girlfriend, it’s just your turn.
Do you have a pressing question about dating in a ski resort town? Leave a comment. I am, after all, a professional.
